fiction and creative non-fiction from Brennan Quenneville
As some bands age they become parodies of themselves, a problem that Coheed and Cambria can never have because, since their inception, the band has been too ridiculous to parody. For the better part of two decades, Coheed songs have been telling the story of … honestly, I’m not quite sure. A massive intergalactic war, maybe? [...]
"Liz Lemon isn't funny." That's all it said. One text, lobbed like a grenade into a group text without any pretext. It was incendiary. It started a war. We're still sorting through the carnage. To be clear about which side I stand on, let me say this very clearly: Liz Lemon is very, very funny. [...]
You can keep your slasher flicks and monster movies. When it's Halloween, all I want to watch are the seasonal episodes of network sitcoms. From Three Hole Punch Jim and Sexy Abraham Lincoln to the Slutty Pumpkin and Werewolf Tracy Jordan, Halloween TV has created some of the most memorable characters of the season—seriously, I [...]
J.R.R. Tolkien was not known for his comedic stylings as evidenced by the fact that his work has been referred to as "dry" and "a slog." And yet the esteemed philologist was not without humor or the ability to turn an amusing phrase. The Lord of the Rings will never be mistaken for a comedy [...]
During the interminable hours that are spent rocking my teething son back to sleep in the middle of the night, I've taken to re-reading old books on my Kindle. As I made my way through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with my son fussing, squirming and, eventually, sleeping in my arms, I couldn't help [...]
A little after 4pm on Sunday the Cleveland Browns lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers, plunging them to the NFL's second-ever 0-16 finish. The loss would have been soul crushing if only there had been any souls left to crush in Cleveland. Bad as the Browns season finale was, though, it wasn't the worst of the [...]
On October 30th the San Francisco 49ers sent a 2nd round draft pick to the New England Patriots for Tom Brady's understudy, Jimmy Garoppolo. As San Francisco head coach Kyle Shanahan opted to take things slow with his potential franchise quarterback, Garappolo didn't start a game until December 3rd but since then, well, let's just [...]
In a feature literally named after the NFL's penchant for constant, unyielding incompetence, you might've guessed that today we'd be honoring (well maybe not honoring, exactly) the League itself again. And yet, even as both the Raiders and Steelers lost their games due to controversial-but-true-to-the-rulebook verdicts from their referees, there's only one place truly deserving [...]
When a yellow flag landed it was immediately clear what the call was going to be. It was also immediately clear that it was going to be the wrong call. https://twitter.com/thelionswire/status/939927384605777920 Detroit Lions defensive back Quandre Diggs had just leveled Tampa Bay's O.J. Howard, causing a fumble that was recovered by Detroit's Glover Quin. As [...]
Every Monday I play beer league hockey with a bunch of physically underwhelming and tactically inept schlubs like myself. In our darker moments, when our utter lack of coaching and ability rears its ugly, toothless head our defensive schemes devolve into little more than puck-chasing. As defensive strategies go, this one tends to be disastrous. [...]
Songs & Stories 